My Chains Are Gone
“My chains are gone, I’ve been set freeMy God, my Savior has ransomed meAnd like a flood His mercy reignsUnending loveAmazing grace“
Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone), Chris Tomlin
“He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, and broke away their chains.”
Psalm 107:14
Speaking about the thorn in his flesh, Paul writes the following in 2 Corinthians 12:
”9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
A little over 8 years ago I was living a double life. I was a youth pastor and worship leader, but also a drug addict and alcoholic. I had my own thorn in my flesh.
All of this culminated in me ending up on the cold, concrete floor of the local jail.
I was arrested twice in that time – once by the local authorities – and after that by the grace and mercy of our God.
It was in that time that I encountered God like never before.
I have become increasingly grateful for His mercy and grace. Grace is often defined as ‘getting what you did not deserve’. Mercy on the other hand is ‘not getting what you DO deserve’.
The fact that I fully deserved the judgement, not only of man and the legal system, but also the judgement of God Almighty – but was given mercy instead – causes me to tremble. Leaves me astonished.
When I think of the times I should’ve died – near overdoses, hanging out with guns and gangsters, bad batches and bad friends – I am grateful to be alive today.
8 years ago today I stepped into my last ‘first’ 12 Step Meeting. I had relapsed the day before (after stringing together +/- 3 months of sobriety and narrowly escaping a 6 month prison sentence I still had not learnt my lesson), but had returned to the fold again – this time taking that first step on purpose.
That meeting ended with a prayer. Just before the prayer we all stood holding hands in a circle, and someone said: “We stand this way to remind ourselves we need never stand alone again, unless we choose to…”
These words have kept me clean.
I know that my life has not been ideal – that I have not lived a perfect life – but I am grateful that God never let go of me, and that even throughout my addiction, even throughout my clinical depression, mental illness, physical infirmity and moments of doubt and fear I have always found shelter in Him. I had to go through darkness – even though I have served Him (even in my addiction, with all my flaws and failures, I was faithful and committed) just over 2 decades – to know the fullness of His grace and mercy. The fact that even at my darkest He saw me. Even at my lowest He loved me. And He NEVER LET GO. He promised us: “I will never leave or forsake you – I will never let you be alone!”
Just like He promised Joshua: ‘Be strong and of good courage, I am with you!” He is with you!
I am writing this post for the families of the addicted. There is hope. Your husband, wife, daughter, son, brother, sister – they can recover! They can still come home! No matter how far they may have strayed.
Finally and foremostly I am writing this post to carry the message of hope to the still suffering addict and alcoholic – to carry the light back into darkness and call more of the suffering, broken and weary back home.
Jesus says: come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. (Matt 11:28-30)
If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, if you are broken and weary, if you are still suffering in silence – know that you are not alone.
If you have a problem with drugs or alcohol – so did I.
Come fall before the mercy and grace of Jesus. Let His love flood Your soul.
And if you ever need a friend, come lean on me.
I am writing this for you. You are not alone. We will love you until you learn to love yourself. You don’t ever need to be alone again.
Prayer: Thank You Lord that I am not alone in my trials and my tribulations. Thank You Lord that You hear me when I call and that those who put their trust in You have never been put to shame. You are the chain breaker. You are the miracle worker. And I thank You Lord that You are working freedom in my life today. I thank You that You are silencing the voices of fear and insecurity, and that I will hear the tender whispers of Your heart today. Remind me today, Lord, of the places I have been and help me be a faithful witness of Your love, grace and mercy to those who are still going through their storms. In Jesus name. Amen.
