“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.’
Step 5, Alcoholics Anonymous
“ Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
James 5:16, NIV
For many of us, if step 4 was hard, this step seemed inconceivable – and although it was a painful process, there is power in confession.
In sharing and confessing what we have been through, and what we have done, we roll the burden we have been carrying off our shoulders. We were never meant to carry our burdens alone.
This step urges us to make this confession towards three distinct parties. The order is not set in stone, so I will share my experience.
First we confess to ourselves.
This is often the hardest part of this process – but it is made all the easier through completion of step 4: our moral inventory.
It is the opinion of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that the only people who do not recover are those who are constitutionally unable to be honest with themselves.
This program is a program of honesty – and in this step we are once more called to be honest with ourselves – confessing the exact nature of our wrongs. It is to admit that we were wrong, to acknowledge that there is, within us and in our past, things that we feel guilty, embarrassed or ashamed about.
The truth sets us free.
We have all heard of naming and shaming – I want to propose ‘naming the shame’ – because by bringing it into the light it can no longer pull you into the dark.
We further strip the shame of its power by finding a confidant in which to confide. A fellow worker of the program, perhaps a pastor or a member of the clergy – someone you trust. Traditionally you would share this with your sponsor – a person who has some clean time and who has worked all twelve steps, someone you have chosen to help you work through the process. I have found that I have been most comfortable sharing with a close friend or two that I have had in the program and in the church.
In sharing this admission – in confessing our guilt, in sharing the exact nature of our wrongs – with another we often find, especially in confiding with a fellow recovering addict, that they have lived through much of the same horrors we have, done many of the same wrongs, lived a similar life – and somehow they have found a way forward.
Sometimes the thing you judge yourself the most for is just the tip of the iceberg for someone else.
I want to stress how important it is that you find the right person to share it with. Many people in recovery wear their hearts on their sleeves and just share with anyone who will listen – but I would recommend finding a sponsor who has more than 2 years of clean time, used a similar substance or engaged in a similar behaviour and who has worked through the twelve steps and understands them well.
It helps if your sponsor is a Christian who can pray with you and help you grow spiritually as well. The program might get us clean – but God keeps us clean.
Finally, we confess to God – and this is where the burden really rolls off our shoulders. If we can muster up just a mustard seed of faith…
1 John 1:9-10 says: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” (KJV)
We have all sinned – we have all missed the mark – and while it is true that some of us have missed it more than others, God is faithful. No matter how big your sin, no matter how vast your trespasses, the love of God is bigger, His mercy is wider, His grace runs deeper!
If we confess our sins God is faithful to forgive and cleanse us of our sin. He makes all things new.
If you need someone to talk to in this regard, or would like to discuss this step or anything around the twelve steps, finding Jesus, and moving forward in freedom – please reach out by sending me an email: andre@adlabuschagne.co.za
Prayer: Lord, give me the courage to complete this step. Show me the things I have done, let Your Spirit come and convict me, not towards condemnation, but towards righteousness so that I might get rid of this weight I have been carrying with me. Let Your love guide me, strengthen me and embolden me. Let Your grace comfort me in the road ahead – as I surrender to Your perfect will. Direct me towards the right people with which to share my story, safe people who will hear my confession and love rather than judge. Give me wisdom and discernment. And help me shoulder the weight of my burden of wrongs. I confess today that You are faithful, and if I will confess my sins, You will forgive and make me new again. Give me the strength and wisdom to do just that. In Jesus Name. Amen.